Welcome to an exciting note on the mystery of marriage – What Every Man wants in a Woman; and what every woman wants in a Man will follow later.
This note is different from most books you’ve read on marriage because most books are written from the author’s point of view, their experiences, beliefs and the unlimited research. This is not written from my point of view, but from thousands of men over a period of seven years both in surveys and interviews. I asked these men to write down the top ten things they want in a marriage partner.
I am writing this from the men’s point of view, and these are men from ages 20 – 94 years old from all walks of life. 75% of these men attend church/mosque regularly and 30% out of the 75% are Pastors or Ministers in a church or are religious workers.
These are the results from the thousands of men surveyed. I welcome your opinion too!
1. He wants sexual fulfillment.
2. He wants a friend and an active playmate.
3. He wants an attractive/pretty wife.
4. He wants an intelligent wife.
5. He wants a woman of moral virtue.
6. He wants a committed wife.
7. He wants a wife with a sense of humor.
8. He wants a wife he can totally trust.
9. He wants admiration.
10. He wants an honest wife.
This is not a joke; I’m sharing this from my notes for my Masters students (Marriage & Family). Much of this survey and interviews are from the pain, agony, and success stories from hundreds of people that I have known over a period of 7 years as a Counselor/Sex Therapist. They are precious people like you and have battled through the same crises that I faced personally or you are now facing.
If you are willing for a better relationship, for a better marriage, or you just want to be a better person, fasten your belt and ride along. We are going to be talking about everything you can think of, and my favorite is the sex therapy, since it is the first on the men’s list; it is very important to talk about! You can also send your questions or contributions to my inbox. It’s going to be exciting and funny, but it will be as hard hitting as a rock. Your marriage can be a better marriage or a bitter one, the choice is yours!!!
…Now, what every woman wants in a man
*Really! What do women want? This was one of the most challenging surveys and interviews I ever did. I realized that what women of different age groups want from their men are not the same unlike the men (we are so complicated). Most women did not even know what they want from their men!
One good reason why it is very difficult to understand women is because of the way women process thoughts and emotions which are drastically different from their male counterpart.
The main struggle is the way of processing. One of the key differences between men and women as I’ve reviewed over a period of time is that women use emotion to process thought as their basis for decision 30% more than men do. They both use their intuition but in different ways. Men tend to bond through shared activities but women bond through sharing thoughts and feelings.
Most women have experienced a man mysteriously closing up and withdrawing. One minute he seems available and the next he is emotionally gone. Without a doubt, it seems women generally are more interested in relationships than men, but really that is the truth. When a woman feels her man is giving less to their relationship, it is not only frustrating but depressing as well.
I believe strongly that the most important decision you will ever make is whether or not you receive Jesus Christ as Savior which will determine the quality of life you lead on earth and the eternal life you will have in heaven (this is from my Christian belief). The second most important decision you will make is who you marry. The choice of a partner will contribute to your happiness and whether or not you will be able to serve the Lord to your maximum potential.
This note is for men about women, the woman you love, the one who loves you, the woman who drives you crazy, and the one you drive crazy. It is about what women actually want from men.
However, after countless interviews, surveys and counseling I was able to get these pointers from women, after all I am one of them. I must say though there is an expanded list for you men to get familiar with but I’ll save that for another day!
“I am learning Bob”!
1. A Godly man (fear of God)
2. Romance (not necessarily sex)
3. Communication (friendship)
4. Women want confident men ( leadership, independent, strength, power and self -esteem)
5. Women want men with a sense of humor ( fun)
6. Women want security (responsibility/provision)
7. Women want good looks (attraction and protection)
8. Women want honesty/faithfulness
9. Women want sensitive and caring men/family man(typical lists of every other stuff)
10. Women want respect
In the midst of all the wars we are living in: the economic survival, the tension between the nations, the survival of the planet (don’t forget to recycle) – the most intimate and dangerous war is the war between the sexes, the fact that we cannot make peace in our kitchens or bedrooms, and the fact that we cannot make peace in our hearts with the one we supposedly love.
The good news is that there is a way out. We can let go and create a new beginning.
To come to this new place is not to create a self-indulgence of either sex, so that one can beat down the other with impunity. It is rather a meditation on the possible future of relationships between men and women that can stand the test of time.
And if you are still wondering why I am doing this, it is simply because I see a crisis that needs attention and someone’s got to do the job. I’m a very practical person.
I work and deal with real people with real issues and struggles and I learn from their mistakes and their victories. I am not that perfect woman; my life/marriage is a work in progress too. My purpose here is not to offer bandages for all the wounds nor redress for all grievances of either sex. My purpose is to talk gently and quietly about the difficulties we are having so that we can restore balance between men and women by discovering true compassion and its consequence, real healing and the happiness that follows.
The notes are to guide you to that purpose and hopefully will move you through a process of seeing things differently. The point is to take what you already know and what you discover here to a place of emotional resurrection.
That is, a process that will change how you feel thus enabling you to have the depth of relationships that you desire. Hope is what enables us to face tomorrow with anticipation and joy.
Don’t give up yet, there is hope and God can turn your marriage into something that resembles heaven on earth. In the words of my husband, “a marriage may have been made in heaven, but it has to be maintained here on earth.”
Every man has the power to bring out the best in a woman, but only few realize it (call my hubby for the manual, lol).
This is just the beginning, it’s going to be fun-filled and serious sessions but you’ll be blessed at the end of it all.
You want to turn up the heat in your bedroom? Fasten your belt…!
Dr Olubusola Ijaduola
Brings the best out of your relationship